Man has it been a while!

Guilty as charged!

I know it has been way too long since my last blog. But as I told a friend a while back I'm not going to blog if I have nothing to say or write for that matter.

I mean I started this blog for myself. To put my thoughts onto paper and to help me make sense out of a senseless world. Well lately I've just felt bleh. Not in a bad or a good way just bleh. As if my thoughts were too dull or too emotional or even to gross to mention. So that's what I did...............NOTHING


Thing is I still feel like I don't really have anything to say. I mean its is not like there is nothing going on, cause there is, believe me, it's just bleh. I'm going to go watch Twilight Eclipse with my dad on Thursday and maybe again on Saturday with a few girlfriends. I just have to see Jake's round and very muscular shoulders again and again and who knows maybe again!

So yeah that is boring old me updating everybody that I'm still alive and hopefully the blehness will remove itself from my mind pretty soon and I can write something hilariously funny again!

Being a mom.............

Going with the whole mothers day hype I want to write a post on how hard it is to be a mother.


I think the word mother should be replaced with sacrifice. Because if there is one thing I have learned as a mom is that you need to make sacrifices. Some are bigger than others but none the less you will have to make sacrifices.

Some sacrifices can't be avoided - I mean your body WILL change and in some cases (like mine) it will never ever be the same again.

Some sacrifices are easy because your kids survival depend on them. Like giving up 8 hours of sleep a night. I can't even remember when was the last time I slept 8 hours straight in the past 3 years. But I can still function to an extent without suffice sleep.

Other sacrifices are hard. I am talking about the type of sacrifices that run deep. The type that no one knows about except you. The type that you can NEVER reveal because it will ruin everything that you have been losing sleep over.

As a mom putting your kids first comes natural. I can't do it any other way even if I wanted to. Is this wrong? Maybe? But my kids did not choose to come into this world, I did. And it is thus my responsibility to take care of them to the best of my ability and to put their needs in front of mine. ALWAYS. No questions asked.

I am sure there are other mothers out there that know exactly what I'm talking about. I won't lie. Being a mother is fucking hard. Like Briget said in on of her posts the other day - "There is no manual". So I can only do what I feel is best and to their benefit.

All I know is that I want to protect them with my whole life and that I will NEVER do anything to jeopardise their happiness.

So yes that is what me does - I sacrifice. Because waking up in the morning to big sloppy kisses and "Mommy I love you very much" is worth more than ANYTHING else in the world.

Happy mothersday to all you sacrificing ladies out there!

The Letter

I wanted to post a password protected post but Blogspot does not have such functionality, which is a total #brandfail in my opinion but anyway.

So..................................

Oh before I say anything else I just want to quickly make the following statement. When I started this new blog it was because I needed a place where I could be completely honest with myself and I know that limited people know about the address and have access to my innest, deepest, darkest secrets. But because I can't fucking password protect the damn thing I have to do the following:

If you want to read this post aka The Letter you need to e-mail me at natschutte@gmail.com requesting me to send you the post via e-mail, muff I know but that is the only way.


So........

In the past week I met up again with my ex (the last one before my husband). He is currently visiting SA as he has been staying in the UK the past 4/5 years. Even though I have dreamt of him quite often (as I do of every one that has meaning to me) I didn't realise how much unresolved issues/feelings etc there still were between us. So I have written him a letter. Not because I'm into old style letter sending or shit like that but just because like all of my fellow bloggers we just articulate better with the written language than the spoken one.

I will send you my letter if you promise to do the following:

1. DO NOT JUDGE - It was a difficult decision to make whether or not to "openly" write and post about it and the last thing I need is a bunch of hypocrites judging me.

2. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF - I know some things in relationships are better off not being said out loud so there is no need to wake sleeping dogs.

3. COMMENT - Ok so I also like it when people comment now and then :-)


Ok so you know what you gotta do!


P.s The Letter is in Afrikaans, because writing an English letter to a person I speak Afrikaans with is just well stupid. If you do not understand Afrikaans you can copy and paste the context into Google Translate. But beware there might be stuff up with some of the direct translation.

Words of Wisdom

As I mature................................

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that you better have a huge willy or big boobs!

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others, they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you were done.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are politicians or celebrities

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something is not working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life, are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away


P.s I had a lot of shit going on the past 2 weeks - I promise to blog about it later!

99 bottles of beer on the wall......

I got this idea from Angel and also saw Briget do it.

So basically it works like this:

Look at this list of 99 things you could have done, and BOLD the ones that you actually have done!

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disney World

8. Climbed a mountain - it was more like a hill, but I was so tired it felt like a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo - HELL NO!!!

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own veggies

19. Seen the Mona Lisa at the Louvre

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not sick

24. Made a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Ran a marathon

27. Went skinny dipping

28. Rode in a gondola in Venice

29. Witnessed total eclipse

30. Seen a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run - Eldoraigne Highschool Softball A-Team (I'm sporty like that!)

32. Been on a cruise - Rhapsody - 2006

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person - I didn't know Niagara falls was a person?

34. Visited the birthplace/ home of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish country

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied - Is it even possible to have enough money?

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person

41. Sung karaoke - Unfortunately

42. Seen Old Faithful erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant - I bought a homeless person a Take away meal?

44. Visited Africa - Mozambique

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Taken a ride in an ambulance - I was 3 and in a motor vehicle accident - coolest moment of my life (at that time!)

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower

50. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling - Snorkeling and I'm not very fond of it. I hate it when the fish touch me (I'm a freak like that)

51. Kissed in the rain - I love kissing in the rain. the warm touch of your lover combined with the cool wet drops on your skin - very sensuous.

52. Played in the mud - With my kids all the time!

53. Gone to a drive-in theater

54. Been in a movie - Leon Schuster's You must be joking. Cute kid talking to bunny - itz me!

55. Visited the Great Wall of China

56. Started a business - Started and failed dismally

57. Taken a martial arts class - Did self defence kick ass class at varsity

58. Visited Russia

59. Worked at a soup kitchen

60. Sold Girl Scout cookies

61. Gone whale watching

62. Gotten flowers for no reason

63. Donated blood, platelets, or plasma - still try and do at least once a year

64. Gone sky diving

65. Visited Nazi concentration camp

66. Bounced a check - Own business , see number 56!

67. Flown in a helicopter

68. Saved a childhood toy

69. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

70. Eaten caviar - Overrated

71. Pieced a quilt

72. Stood in Times Square

73. Toured the Everglades

74. Been fired from a job

75. Seen the changing of the guards in London

76. Broken a bone - NEVER not even once, I got a few screwed up back vertebra's though!

77. Been a passenger on a motorcycle - My dad owns a Harley Coach!

78. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

79. Published a book

80. Visited the Vatican

81. Bought a brand new car

82. Visited Jerusalem

83. Had your picture in the paper - Back in the 80's Leon Schuster movies made headlines!

84. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve

85. Visited the White House

86. Killed and prepared an animal for eating - Gross NO!!!

87. Had chickenpox

88. Saved someone’s life

89. Sat on a jury

90. Met someone famous - I' actually kissed someone famous but the secret will go with me to the grave!

91. Joined a book club

92. Got a tattoo

93. Had a baby - I had 2 do I get 2 points?

94. Seen the Alamo in person - WTF?

95. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

96. Been involved in a law suit

97. Owned a cell phone - DUH????

98. Been stung by a bee - More then 15 years ago!

99. Swam in the Black Sea

I did 42 out of 99......

The traveling bit is biting me in the butt!

Feelings

I don’t know what it is but I have been feeling pretty strange these past few days.

I feel like crying, screaming and throwing stuff all at the same time. It feels a lot like the hormonal rollercoaster ride during pregnancy. Which I am not (in case you were wondering)


I feel smothered, anxious and helpless


I feel loved yet unappreciated


I feel like I feel too much


I feel passionate about one thing and then completely dead about another


I feel nauseas, tired and sick


I feel numb on the inside


I feel like getting on a plane to nowhere and staying there for a while


I feel like stomping my feet and throwing a tantrum


I feel like something bad is about to happen and I can do NOTHING to prevent it


I feel irritated when people ask me why I feel irritated


I feel like dancing in the rain and then taking a hot bath


I feel confused, angry and confined


I feel alone in between a bunch of people


I feel like I have lost something……but I don’t know what


I feel like a failure……..most of the time




The worst part is…….


I feel like I have no reason to feel like this

I feel like this because......

1. My kids are sick............. again

2. I am sooooo sleep deprived

3. I think I am also getting sick

4. I fear for the safety of my family (this racists shit has got to stop!!!)

5. I feel guilty for not feeling perky all the time

PLEASE SEND HUGS AND MEDICINE THAT CAN MAKE KIDS BETTER IN NO TIME!