Separated by a fart

Normally when the husband and I argue we sort it out before we go to bed to avoid the hugely uncomfortable situation of going to bed angry. Going to bed angry leads to silent treatment leads to no cuddling leads to no sleep leads to being even more irretated the next morning caused by extreme fatigue leads to more fighting.

So very early on in our relationship we both agreed we will NEVER go to bed angry and he will NEVER sleep on the couch/different bed/kitchen counter (don't ask!) But last night while we were in bed talking and sining songs with Megan (she lies in our bed until she is sleepy and then I take her to her bed)my dear loving, sweet husband let one rip in bed. No I don't have a problem with public farting or even farting in bed (romantic I know) but last night it smelled as if something cralwed up his but, entered his anus and died - right there. By the smell of it it must have been a dreadful and very painful death!

Even Megan who does not usualy complains about foul smells complained. I put the cusion over my face and breathed the dust right out of it. Due to lack of oxygen and clean air I ran out of the room with a screaming Megan right on my heels. She thought we were playing a game (Yeah right humm what will I call it - How to fart your partner to death!)

After we all gained conciousness again I threatened to put a plug in his poephol if he does that again. He assured me it was a one time thing! So we all got back into bed and Megan said she wanted to play some more. The next part is where I drew the line: My husband seeing himself as a good father then said: "Megs trek my vinger!" Yes he actualy said it like a Danvil-tapit-old-ballie-sitting-on-his-stoep-with-his-dirty-beer-belly-hanging-over-his-PT-short (this is shorts that resemble rugby pants)type of voice!

And you know the rest - after she pulled his finger he farted again. This time we really barely made it out of the room alive. Just there and then I banned him to the couch for the night. Hell I was bloody scared for my life. I mean how will he explain to the insurance people I died of intoxication of fart fumes? No thanks I wasn't taking that risk.

So for the first time in our 4 years of marriage I refused to have him sleep next to me in our bed or even in our room. Luckily we have those leather kick out couches so they are very comfortable (he slept there by choice just after his vasectomy - afraid I'll kick him in the nuts while I'm sleeping!) So he spent the night there with the sliding door open. I just hope he hasn't sustained any brain damage from a whole night of breathing his own deadly fart fumes!!

Now a question to all my readers: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SEPERATED BY A FART?