The Top Ten Tuesday

1. SHOPPING......
   And why I hate it!
   
2. 
   
   

The thought of shopping makes me want to vomit! And not any vomit, big
chunky, bile-like vomit. I hate shopping more than I hate anything else in
the world (including teething nappies). I hate it so much that my Top Ten
Tuesday for this week is about shopping.

Top Ten reasons why I hate shopping:

1. Super 14 Season - The Super 14 season has begun and being an avid rugby fan there is no way in hell you will find me in a mall when the rugby is on (except if I'm sitting in a restaurant inside of the mall, drinking a Savannah and watching the rugby!)

2. Logistically it's a nightmare - You need to firstly plan the trip (which shops to visit, with or without kids, cash or credit). Just the thought and planning already leaves me gagging.

3. There is never parking - Like most working mothers, the only time I have to go to the shops is on weekends or after work. This is usually the time when the malls are packed with people and finding parking within 5km of the shop is almost impossible.

4. Over crowded malls - I get so irritated if the mall is so busy that people keep bumping into you or you have to side step to the left to the left every time a mom with a pram speeds towards you. Apparently prams have 1st right of passage in malls. Being a pram owner myself I get it that pram on the move equals sleeping baby, but some crazy ass moms just take it too far! Besides, being in labor for 24 hours does not give you the right to drive a pram like a maniac!

5. I have no patience when it comes to shopping - I simply feel that taking time to find your size, squeeze your size 14 butt into a size 10 jean, posing in mirrors and then waiting for a forced compliment from staff/family or friends is cruel and insane.

6. I do not do queues - If a queue is too long (more than 3 people) I will turn on my heals, drop my goods and leave (except when I need to buy nappies or formula - then I have NO choice).

7. I get thirsty a lot = I gotta pee a lot - Some malls have toilets nurturing a new breed of guff in them. I am in no way a germ freak but I refuse to pee in a toilet where the "left overs" of the last 10 people are still visible!

8. It's physically exhausting - try taking a two and a half year old, plus a crawling baby with you to a mall. The first hour is ok but after that the complaints start and it sounds something like this:

Megan: "Mom my feet hurt, carry me"

Mia: "Wheee Whaa" - that is baby talk for "Why do you only pick her up, pick me up as well".

Megan: "I'm hungry"

Mia: "Wheee Whaa *snif* Whee Whaa Wheee *snif*" - Where is my fucking bottle?

Megan: "Can I play at the Pur (her pronunciation of the Spur and also her most favorite place in the world)

Mia: "Whee Whaa" - What's the Spur and will it take away my teething pains?

So trying to do shopping with your kids is like fighting a phsycological war with a blond. Even though you know you are winning, you just give up half way through out of fear of committing suicide.


9. I can not keep to a budget - I am very very very bad at keeping to a budget. As I don't shop a lot (only necessities and only if I really have to) I tend to buy extra socks/underwear/pj's/food/nappies etc, just so that I don't have to go shopping again soon.

10. Mall people hang out in malls - Including the following:

10.1 The type of people that stroll along very slowly, checking out every single shop window.

10.2 Emo teenagers checking out each others' stripes.

10.3 The Snobs. Walking around with their designer labels and drinking decaff frosted mint choc low fat lattes. Their kids always look so uncomfortable in their little kiddy designer outfits and wtf is up with bringing your French Poodle to a mall?

Get it?

So if you do see me in a mall. Don't come to me, don't talk to me and don't even make eye contact. I'm there for one reason and one reason only - to get the hell out of there as quickly as humanly possible!!!