Man has it been a while!

Guilty as charged!

I know it has been way too long since my last blog. But as I told a friend a while back I'm not going to blog if I have nothing to say or write for that matter.

I mean I started this blog for myself. To put my thoughts onto paper and to help me make sense out of a senseless world. Well lately I've just felt bleh. Not in a bad or a good way just bleh. As if my thoughts were too dull or too emotional or even to gross to mention. So that's what I did...............NOTHING


Thing is I still feel like I don't really have anything to say. I mean its is not like there is nothing going on, cause there is, believe me, it's just bleh. I'm going to go watch Twilight Eclipse with my dad on Thursday and maybe again on Saturday with a few girlfriends. I just have to see Jake's round and very muscular shoulders again and again and who knows maybe again!

So yeah that is boring old me updating everybody that I'm still alive and hopefully the blehness will remove itself from my mind pretty soon and I can write something hilariously funny again!

Being a mom.............

Going with the whole mothers day hype I want to write a post on how hard it is to be a mother.


I think the word mother should be replaced with sacrifice. Because if there is one thing I have learned as a mom is that you need to make sacrifices. Some are bigger than others but none the less you will have to make sacrifices.

Some sacrifices can't be avoided - I mean your body WILL change and in some cases (like mine) it will never ever be the same again.

Some sacrifices are easy because your kids survival depend on them. Like giving up 8 hours of sleep a night. I can't even remember when was the last time I slept 8 hours straight in the past 3 years. But I can still function to an extent without suffice sleep.

Other sacrifices are hard. I am talking about the type of sacrifices that run deep. The type that no one knows about except you. The type that you can NEVER reveal because it will ruin everything that you have been losing sleep over.

As a mom putting your kids first comes natural. I can't do it any other way even if I wanted to. Is this wrong? Maybe? But my kids did not choose to come into this world, I did. And it is thus my responsibility to take care of them to the best of my ability and to put their needs in front of mine. ALWAYS. No questions asked.

I am sure there are other mothers out there that know exactly what I'm talking about. I won't lie. Being a mother is fucking hard. Like Briget said in on of her posts the other day - "There is no manual". So I can only do what I feel is best and to their benefit.

All I know is that I want to protect them with my whole life and that I will NEVER do anything to jeopardise their happiness.

So yes that is what me does - I sacrifice. Because waking up in the morning to big sloppy kisses and "Mommy I love you very much" is worth more than ANYTHING else in the world.

Happy mothersday to all you sacrificing ladies out there!

The Letter

I wanted to post a password protected post but Blogspot does not have such functionality, which is a total #brandfail in my opinion but anyway.

So..................................

Oh before I say anything else I just want to quickly make the following statement. When I started this new blog it was because I needed a place where I could be completely honest with myself and I know that limited people know about the address and have access to my innest, deepest, darkest secrets. But because I can't fucking password protect the damn thing I have to do the following:

If you want to read this post aka The Letter you need to e-mail me at natschutte@gmail.com requesting me to send you the post via e-mail, muff I know but that is the only way.


So........

In the past week I met up again with my ex (the last one before my husband). He is currently visiting SA as he has been staying in the UK the past 4/5 years. Even though I have dreamt of him quite often (as I do of every one that has meaning to me) I didn't realise how much unresolved issues/feelings etc there still were between us. So I have written him a letter. Not because I'm into old style letter sending or shit like that but just because like all of my fellow bloggers we just articulate better with the written language than the spoken one.

I will send you my letter if you promise to do the following:

1. DO NOT JUDGE - It was a difficult decision to make whether or not to "openly" write and post about it and the last thing I need is a bunch of hypocrites judging me.

2. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF - I know some things in relationships are better off not being said out loud so there is no need to wake sleeping dogs.

3. COMMENT - Ok so I also like it when people comment now and then :-)


Ok so you know what you gotta do!


P.s The Letter is in Afrikaans, because writing an English letter to a person I speak Afrikaans with is just well stupid. If you do not understand Afrikaans you can copy and paste the context into Google Translate. But beware there might be stuff up with some of the direct translation.

Words of Wisdom

As I mature................................

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that you better have a huge willy or big boobs!

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others, they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you were done.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are politicians or celebrities

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something is not working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life, are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away


P.s I had a lot of shit going on the past 2 weeks - I promise to blog about it later!

99 bottles of beer on the wall......

I got this idea from Angel and also saw Briget do it.

So basically it works like this:

Look at this list of 99 things you could have done, and BOLD the ones that you actually have done!

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disney World

8. Climbed a mountain - it was more like a hill, but I was so tired it felt like a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo - HELL NO!!!

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own veggies

19. Seen the Mona Lisa at the Louvre

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not sick

24. Made a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Ran a marathon

27. Went skinny dipping

28. Rode in a gondola in Venice

29. Witnessed total eclipse

30. Seen a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run - Eldoraigne Highschool Softball A-Team (I'm sporty like that!)

32. Been on a cruise - Rhapsody - 2006

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person - I didn't know Niagara falls was a person?

34. Visited the birthplace/ home of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish country

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied - Is it even possible to have enough money?

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person

41. Sung karaoke - Unfortunately

42. Seen Old Faithful erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant - I bought a homeless person a Take away meal?

44. Visited Africa - Mozambique

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Taken a ride in an ambulance - I was 3 and in a motor vehicle accident - coolest moment of my life (at that time!)

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower

50. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling - Snorkeling and I'm not very fond of it. I hate it when the fish touch me (I'm a freak like that)

51. Kissed in the rain - I love kissing in the rain. the warm touch of your lover combined with the cool wet drops on your skin - very sensuous.

52. Played in the mud - With my kids all the time!

53. Gone to a drive-in theater

54. Been in a movie - Leon Schuster's You must be joking. Cute kid talking to bunny - itz me!

55. Visited the Great Wall of China

56. Started a business - Started and failed dismally

57. Taken a martial arts class - Did self defence kick ass class at varsity

58. Visited Russia

59. Worked at a soup kitchen

60. Sold Girl Scout cookies

61. Gone whale watching

62. Gotten flowers for no reason

63. Donated blood, platelets, or plasma - still try and do at least once a year

64. Gone sky diving

65. Visited Nazi concentration camp

66. Bounced a check - Own business , see number 56!

67. Flown in a helicopter

68. Saved a childhood toy

69. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

70. Eaten caviar - Overrated

71. Pieced a quilt

72. Stood in Times Square

73. Toured the Everglades

74. Been fired from a job

75. Seen the changing of the guards in London

76. Broken a bone - NEVER not even once, I got a few screwed up back vertebra's though!

77. Been a passenger on a motorcycle - My dad owns a Harley Coach!

78. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

79. Published a book

80. Visited the Vatican

81. Bought a brand new car

82. Visited Jerusalem

83. Had your picture in the paper - Back in the 80's Leon Schuster movies made headlines!

84. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve

85. Visited the White House

86. Killed and prepared an animal for eating - Gross NO!!!

87. Had chickenpox

88. Saved someone’s life

89. Sat on a jury

90. Met someone famous - I' actually kissed someone famous but the secret will go with me to the grave!

91. Joined a book club

92. Got a tattoo

93. Had a baby - I had 2 do I get 2 points?

94. Seen the Alamo in person - WTF?

95. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

96. Been involved in a law suit

97. Owned a cell phone - DUH????

98. Been stung by a bee - More then 15 years ago!

99. Swam in the Black Sea

I did 42 out of 99......

The traveling bit is biting me in the butt!

Feelings

I don’t know what it is but I have been feeling pretty strange these past few days.

I feel like crying, screaming and throwing stuff all at the same time. It feels a lot like the hormonal rollercoaster ride during pregnancy. Which I am not (in case you were wondering)


I feel smothered, anxious and helpless


I feel loved yet unappreciated


I feel like I feel too much


I feel passionate about one thing and then completely dead about another


I feel nauseas, tired and sick


I feel numb on the inside


I feel like getting on a plane to nowhere and staying there for a while


I feel like stomping my feet and throwing a tantrum


I feel like something bad is about to happen and I can do NOTHING to prevent it


I feel irritated when people ask me why I feel irritated


I feel like dancing in the rain and then taking a hot bath


I feel confused, angry and confined


I feel alone in between a bunch of people


I feel like I have lost something……but I don’t know what


I feel like a failure……..most of the time




The worst part is…….


I feel like I have no reason to feel like this

I feel like this because......

1. My kids are sick............. again

2. I am sooooo sleep deprived

3. I think I am also getting sick

4. I fear for the safety of my family (this racists shit has got to stop!!!)

5. I feel guilty for not feeling perky all the time

PLEASE SEND HUGS AND MEDICINE THAT CAN MAKE KIDS BETTER IN NO TIME!

The Top Ten Tuesday

1. SHOPPING......
   And why I hate it!
   
2. 
   
   

The thought of shopping makes me want to vomit! And not any vomit, big
chunky, bile-like vomit. I hate shopping more than I hate anything else in
the world (including teething nappies). I hate it so much that my Top Ten
Tuesday for this week is about shopping.

Top Ten reasons why I hate shopping:

1. Super 14 Season - The Super 14 season has begun and being an avid rugby fan there is no way in hell you will find me in a mall when the rugby is on (except if I'm sitting in a restaurant inside of the mall, drinking a Savannah and watching the rugby!)

2. Logistically it's a nightmare - You need to firstly plan the trip (which shops to visit, with or without kids, cash or credit). Just the thought and planning already leaves me gagging.

3. There is never parking - Like most working mothers, the only time I have to go to the shops is on weekends or after work. This is usually the time when the malls are packed with people and finding parking within 5km of the shop is almost impossible.

4. Over crowded malls - I get so irritated if the mall is so busy that people keep bumping into you or you have to side step to the left to the left every time a mom with a pram speeds towards you. Apparently prams have 1st right of passage in malls. Being a pram owner myself I get it that pram on the move equals sleeping baby, but some crazy ass moms just take it too far! Besides, being in labor for 24 hours does not give you the right to drive a pram like a maniac!

5. I have no patience when it comes to shopping - I simply feel that taking time to find your size, squeeze your size 14 butt into a size 10 jean, posing in mirrors and then waiting for a forced compliment from staff/family or friends is cruel and insane.

6. I do not do queues - If a queue is too long (more than 3 people) I will turn on my heals, drop my goods and leave (except when I need to buy nappies or formula - then I have NO choice).

7. I get thirsty a lot = I gotta pee a lot - Some malls have toilets nurturing a new breed of guff in them. I am in no way a germ freak but I refuse to pee in a toilet where the "left overs" of the last 10 people are still visible!

8. It's physically exhausting - try taking a two and a half year old, plus a crawling baby with you to a mall. The first hour is ok but after that the complaints start and it sounds something like this:

Megan: "Mom my feet hurt, carry me"

Mia: "Wheee Whaa" - that is baby talk for "Why do you only pick her up, pick me up as well".

Megan: "I'm hungry"

Mia: "Wheee Whaa *snif* Whee Whaa Wheee *snif*" - Where is my fucking bottle?

Megan: "Can I play at the Pur (her pronunciation of the Spur and also her most favorite place in the world)

Mia: "Whee Whaa" - What's the Spur and will it take away my teething pains?

So trying to do shopping with your kids is like fighting a phsycological war with a blond. Even though you know you are winning, you just give up half way through out of fear of committing suicide.


9. I can not keep to a budget - I am very very very bad at keeping to a budget. As I don't shop a lot (only necessities and only if I really have to) I tend to buy extra socks/underwear/pj's/food/nappies etc, just so that I don't have to go shopping again soon.

10. Mall people hang out in malls - Including the following:

10.1 The type of people that stroll along very slowly, checking out every single shop window.

10.2 Emo teenagers checking out each others' stripes.

10.3 The Snobs. Walking around with their designer labels and drinking decaff frosted mint choc low fat lattes. Their kids always look so uncomfortable in their little kiddy designer outfits and wtf is up with bringing your French Poodle to a mall?

Get it?

So if you do see me in a mall. Don't come to me, don't talk to me and don't even make eye contact. I'm there for one reason and one reason only - to get the hell out of there as quickly as humanly possible!!!

Boobs Glorious Boobs

In honor of cleavage day tomorrow
I want to write a post about MY cleavage.





IN THE BEGINNING……


Let me start at when I was 12. I got my first bra. I was so excited only to notice it saying “training bra”. What the hell does training bra mean? Am I training to wear a bra (seriously how hard can it be?) am I training to grow boobs and if the latter is the case how do I train to grow boobs? Are there specific exercises involved and if there is, am I allowed to wear a sports bra? It was all very confusing. Lets face it puberty is confusing.

Eventually they increased in stature and I very quickly realized that they were the main focus point on your body when you are between the ages of 15-18 (little did I know then that age has nothing to do with it.) There was not a boy in high school that was not fascinated by boobs. ALL boobs. Small bee stings, handful of apples and especially the big kahunas. As a girl you just had to wear something a little bit revealing and you would have to wipe the drool of their chins and insist they take a cold shower!

At Varsity my breasts were at their peak. They were visually a feast for the eyes. Perfect round form, soft, and nice pink nipples. Maybe they were a bit smaller than most men prefer but I’ll choose a small round breast over a big, saggy oval breast any day! One of the other benefits of being a little bit older is that you learn how to flaunt your assets without looking sluttish or over eager. Seeing as I was skinny and toned in those years I wore appropriate though also provocative clothing and received compliments on a daily basis regarding my 2 leading ladies. Those were the good days. That’s how I usually got what I wanted (if you have it flaunt it!) and eventually lured my husband.

By the time we got married I was a bit too skinny – something that happens to most brides and unfortunately is never to be repeated again – and I needed to insert those chicken-breast-plastic-silicone thingies just to fill out the dress. My husband wasn’t complaining because like me he prefers the smaller version, rather then getting lost and run the risk of suffocating in a 36DD rack.


SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE……


Then came the pregnancies (this happened as a result of numerous looking/touching/kissing of afore mentioned assets). The first pregnancy I gained a huge amount of weight. The increase in hormones and weight caused my ladies to triple in size. If newborns saw my cleavage they almost jumped me looking for their lunch! If grown men saw me they almost jumped me out of lust – gross I know! I had to buy new bra’s as my old ones all squeezed the living daylights out of me. It was like pushing a fat kid’s cheeks together. The point is they were huge and by the end of the pregnancy just before I was ready to pop my nipples started turning brown. If you have not had children yet or you are male you will be very grossed out by now, but for those of you, who have bared children, you know exactly what I’m talking about!


I couldn't’t understand the reason behind the discoloration, except for the fact that it’s a total passion killer in the bedroom (which you prefer when you look like a Beluga whale ready to explode). After the baby is born you realize it does have a more significant purpose like guiding the baby (who is born with very bad eye sight) as to where to suck! Seeing as sucking is quite essential to their survival I guess its ok then.

Breastfeeding is a whole post on its own and I will put up a big warning right at the top to warn all readers who are squeamish to abstain from reading it.


NOW…………


Now after 2 pregnancies and many months of breastfeeding I am left with 2 dried up very long 36D prunes. My nipples have returned to their normal color (thank you very much!) but I am very far away from the perky looker I used to be. Even the husband complains that I no longer ace the pencil test. I can officially carry a pencil around under my sagging breasts for hours on end – no effort. * I wonder if there is a Guinness World Record for that? *

So to all you young perky bitches out there……

Wear as little as possible tomorrow on National Cleavage Day and shake what your Mamma gave you.

Because one day, you too will be a Mamma and shaking it could cause a sudden injury, concussion or even death!

Tired much?

Mia has been actively teething since she was 4 months old. Now that we are reaching the 9 month mile stone and there is still no bloody teeth I am getting just a tad irritated.

I mean I can handle the excessive drooling (she will give a Boerbull a run for his money, the green/yellow/grey and orange combination poo and even the acidic fowl smell of those multicoloured nappies. But what I can't deal with any more is the lack of sleep. Every night she wakes up so many times whining and crying for no apparent reason. The only reason I can think of is the fact that her gums are sore. I try and help her to cope with the pain but I can only give her so much medication before I turn into one of those "doping-your-kids-to-get-some-more-sleep-moms"

Last night was the worst. She woke up so many times and eventually at 02h00 she decided it was playtime. WTF?

On top of that Megan wet her bed (for the 1st time since she has been potty trained). I then dressed her in dry clothes and put her in our bed. Now you must understand that when she lies in our bed no sleeping occurs (except for her of course). She tosses and turns, hits us and even snores (she gets that from her dad). So eventually by the time I got Mia back into bed Megan woke me complaining about a blocked nose. So I put some Vicks in her nose, put my head on the pillow and attempted to sleep.

A warm and wet feeling suddenly overwhelmed me. Megan wet OUR bed as well. Jeez how much can one little 12kg person pee in one night? Too tired to really care I just threw a towel over it and encouraged her to go back to sleep. 30 Minutes later my alarm went off.

So yes I am EXTREMELY tired. I also have the added bonus of being irritated and for some or other reason aggressive. So if I act like a total bitch today - blame my kids!

Top Ten Tuesday




Sleepy Jane used to do a Top Ten Tuesday post every week. Basically you add a post about the top ten things you love/hate/admire/enjoy etc at that specific time in your life.

So today my TTT is about 10 things I can’t live without.
(In no particular order!)


1. My family – I know it’s cliche to say this but I really do love them (all of them) and I can’t imagine how dull my life will be without them!

2. My GHD – If you tend to look like a French poodle when waking up, a GHD is a must have. It only takes 20 minutes to turn this:





into this.......






3. Milo Breakfast (can be lunch & dinner as well) cereal – I absolutely love the stuff that comes out of that green box! I can’t start my day without it! It is so divine that I sometimes eat it for lunch and dinner as well. Njom Njom crunch crunch.

4. A belt – Not a particular one just any pants-upholding-apparatus. I’m in the process of losing some (and eventually all) of the weight I gained as a result of me being impregnated by my loving husband. TWICE. As a result my pants are allowing me more breathing room but also moving towards the earth in a saggy skateboarder type of way – Not cool.

5. Deonette – She is my brother’s new girlfriend. I freaking adore that woman. She is FANTASTIC with my kids, she makes my brother happy and did I say she is fantastic with my kids. Megan loves her to bits and it looks like Tannie Hannie (Megan’s godmother) has some competition. When we visit my parents and Deonette is there Megan only wants to be with her (which allows me some me-time) and for that I am truly grateful!

6. Wimpy coffee – no comment needed!

7. INTERNET – I still don’t know how the hell people lived without internet. Must have been so boring!

8. Tissues – Megan is in a playgroup = contact with other kids = contact with all their little kiddy germs = loads and loads of snot. Megan with loads and loads of snot loves her little sister = direct contact by kissing and hugging her = Mia produces loads and loads of snot. Get the picture?

9. At this stage I would have loved to say BlackBerry – But seeing as I *sniff* don’t have a BB (I am now sobbing) *sniff* I can’t say that.

10. My toothbrush – obviously!

Feel free to add your own TTT in the comment section or post it to your blog!

Let's talk balls

WHAT IS IT WITH MEN AND THEIR BALLS?

Maybe I don't understand it because I am a woman......

Maybe I don't understand it because men are not big on using a lot of detail when explaining issues regarding their balls.........

Or maybe I'm just a freak because balls fascinate me more than the average person.....


Off with his balls (a true story)

When my husband had to go for his first Dr's appointment before his vasectomy he was scared shitless. Scared like I haven't seen him before!

We had a conversation that went something like this (I will translate in English):

Him: "Do you think the Dr is going to touch me there?"

Me: "Of course he is. How else can he do a proper examination"

Him: "Just the thought of it makes me want to vomit"

Me: "It can't be that bad."

Him: "I hope they put me out before they start doing the operation"

Me: In a loving voice "My dear he can't cut you open with you still feeling everything - it will be too painful and unethical, so yes you will receive anaesthetic."

Him: "Yeah but what if the nurse touches me there while I'm still awake?"

Me: Getting slightly irritated now "My angel how else can she or even he prepare you for surgery by scrubbing and shaving you if they can't touch you THERE?"

Suddenly he runs to the bathroom only to return 20 minutes later. Guess what he did? He went to shave and scrub his balls (2 weeks before his planned operation)

Him: "All done, now no nurse male of female needs to touch me." (He says with a smirk on his face)

Me: "Except when they massage your balls after the operation to stimulate blood circulation"

SNORT!!

The expression on his face was so farking hilarious I almost wet myself!

He eventually went for the op, hated it, moaned about his sensitive balls and the discomfort and so on and so on. As a loving and caring wife I offered to change his dressings, bring him his pain meds and even massage his balls to stimulate the blood circulation. To be honest I was so freaking curious to see the scar (yes I am strange like that) I would have done anything to take a look but NO. My over-sensitive-about-his-balls-husband said NO. I mean it's not like I haven't seen them a thousand times before!

Needless to say it was balls-off for me :-(

So my question is: ARE ALL MEN THIS SENSITIVE ABOUT THEIR 2 SPECIAL SMALL/MEDIUM/LARGE/XTRA-LARGE GRAPE-SHAPED FRIENDS?


While I'm on that subject here are a few interesting ball facts:


1. Hitler and Napoleon both had only one testicle. Yes and they were both midgets :-)

2. It was the custom in Ancient Rome for the men to place their right hand on their testicles when taking an oath. The modern term 'testimony' is derived from this tradition. I swear by my testicles to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

3. Sperm die in very hot conditions, thus the reason for the testicles cool temperature. Cool Balls hahaha!

4. The left testicle usually hangs lower than the right testicle in right handed men and the left testicle hangs lower than the right in left handed men.

5. The robot from Transformers 2 Devastator's testicles took up 2.3 terabytes of disk space all on their own. Jeez that's huge ;-)

6. South Bend, Nebraska serves more testicles than any where in the world at its 'Testicle Festival'. Yes our black friends in SA aren't the only culture in the world to eat testicles.

7. Video of man with biggest balls in the world - No comment :-)

Blog Challenge

For this week’s Female2Female challenge, we could answer some really odd questions (seriously, who the fork came up with these?), and then tag four bloggers.


So Angel's Mind did the challenge and she got it from Blackhuff

And here is my take:

1. If you could give the world one piece of advice, what would it be?

Love each other as you love yourself - If everybody loved everybody else there would be no hatred,rape,racism and everything else that pollutes our population.

2. If you could have a room full of any one thing, what would it be?

I know I have 2 kids and a husband (which counts up to 3) but I see them as my family which is one thing :-)

3. What do you value most in other people?

Their perseverance - even in tough times and their ability to make me smile!

4. If you could only see black and white except for one color, what color would it be?

Probably red?

5. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I would like to be more neat. I'm not an easy person to live with as I put something down wherever I want (whether it belongs there or not), I leave cupboard doors open and I don't close the curtains when I get dressed. The result is by the end of the day my house looks cluttered and disorganized.

6. If you could choose one of your personality traits to pass on to your children, what would it be?

Well seeing as they already have my looks, personality and brains I will say my sense of humour. Having a sense of humour just makes life so much more fun and exciting!

7. What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?

Buy a Powerball ticket when the jackpot is over R100 million :-)

8. Would you rather teach a young child to read or have to learn again for yourself?

I've always seen myself as a bit of a teacher (not in the Mrs Rottemeyer type of way) but I love teaching people new things and teaching a child to read is one of the greatest gifts you can give him/her.

9. What is the best advice you’ve ever given and received?

GIVEN: I gave this advice to a friend who just dumped her loser boyfriend "Why not check out internet dating?" - she is now engaged to the wonderful guy she met on an internet dating site! RECEIVED: Don't waste your energy on people that mean nothing to you!

10. How would you like to die?

I can tell you how I don't want to die - drowning or burning to death. Besides that I don't really have a preference.

So I need to tag 4 people:

1. ExMi - Just because you haven't heard from me in a while!
2. Cybersass - I would love to hear your take on these questions!
3. SleepyJane - I know how much you love meme's :-) and because your words are tired!
4. Jou ma se blerrie blog - I know your answers will make me laugh - no pressure though!

Please feel free to spread the love and try this challenge!

Our 8 month journey....

8 Months ago…..

•I was wondering if it will ever be possible to love your second child as much as your first.
•I was preparing myself for the small amount of sleep I will be getting in the next couple of months.
•I tried to spend as much time as possible with Megan because I knew I would be neglecting her a bit after the new baby is there.
•I was excited/fearful/anxious and overwhelmed all at the same time and then….

I gave birth to Mia Schutte on the 14th of July 2009 after a terrible pregnancy and delivery and you can read more about it here….


The cost of emergency c-section R6 000
The cost of 3 nights in hospital R12 000
The cost of bringing your perfect little
baby home from the hospital PRICELESS!


In an instant all fears just fall away and you can’t stop looking at this perfect bundle of joy! And then the first scream! Luckily being my second child I just felt so much more comfortable and relaxed with everything. Handling this tiny little thing (she weighed only 2.6kg by the time we left the hospital), feeding her, swaddling her and entertaining her. I really felt like a pro this time round! Even my breast were playing along and looking all pretty and yummy for baba!

So 8 months ago Mia was the new little person added to the Schutte family! And what a wonderful journey it has been seeing her grow up and develop. Her most favorite person in the world is Megan. If Megan enters the room Mia’s face lights up and her smile goes from ear to ear. Megan is so good with Mia , she “reads” her books, teaches her to count and pulls faces at her when she starts crying. The other day she pushed her away from the open plug to protect her - just reminds me to go and buy those plug protector thingies from BabyCity. It caused Mia to fall and cry but it was such a special moment and I’m sure Mia will appreciate it later in life when she has no side effects from a freak home electrocution accident. (Ooh I really need to go and buy those thingies TODAY!)

On the not so bright side I have been puked on, shitted on, pinched blue and punched in the nose by my ever growing little bundle of energy – I say with a hint of sarcasm!
Mia is also not the world’s best sleeper like her sister was. She wakes frequently at night – for no reason - of course and daytime naps are limited. She is also still a toothless baby even though she has been showing signs of teething since she was 4 months old!

I also think a mistake was made with her gender. She truly acts and even looks like a little boy! She is rough and tough and soooo inquisitive. Even fearless. I remember Megan being very cautious about standing and holding onto things, but not Mia oh no she just leaps forward and goes. To hell with what is in her way – real wild child that one!

So the past 8 months have truly been and incredible journey, thanks to little Mia whom we love and adore JUST AS MUCH as her sister!

Separated by a fart

Normally when the husband and I argue we sort it out before we go to bed to avoid the hugely uncomfortable situation of going to bed angry. Going to bed angry leads to silent treatment leads to no cuddling leads to no sleep leads to being even more irretated the next morning caused by extreme fatigue leads to more fighting.

So very early on in our relationship we both agreed we will NEVER go to bed angry and he will NEVER sleep on the couch/different bed/kitchen counter (don't ask!) But last night while we were in bed talking and sining songs with Megan (she lies in our bed until she is sleepy and then I take her to her bed)my dear loving, sweet husband let one rip in bed. No I don't have a problem with public farting or even farting in bed (romantic I know) but last night it smelled as if something cralwed up his but, entered his anus and died - right there. By the smell of it it must have been a dreadful and very painful death!

Even Megan who does not usualy complains about foul smells complained. I put the cusion over my face and breathed the dust right out of it. Due to lack of oxygen and clean air I ran out of the room with a screaming Megan right on my heels. She thought we were playing a game (Yeah right humm what will I call it - How to fart your partner to death!)

After we all gained conciousness again I threatened to put a plug in his poephol if he does that again. He assured me it was a one time thing! So we all got back into bed and Megan said she wanted to play some more. The next part is where I drew the line: My husband seeing himself as a good father then said: "Megs trek my vinger!" Yes he actualy said it like a Danvil-tapit-old-ballie-sitting-on-his-stoep-with-his-dirty-beer-belly-hanging-over-his-PT-short (this is shorts that resemble rugby pants)type of voice!

And you know the rest - after she pulled his finger he farted again. This time we really barely made it out of the room alive. Just there and then I banned him to the couch for the night. Hell I was bloody scared for my life. I mean how will he explain to the insurance people I died of intoxication of fart fumes? No thanks I wasn't taking that risk.

So for the first time in our 4 years of marriage I refused to have him sleep next to me in our bed or even in our room. Luckily we have those leather kick out couches so they are very comfortable (he slept there by choice just after his vasectomy - afraid I'll kick him in the nuts while I'm sleeping!) So he spent the night there with the sliding door open. I just hope he hasn't sustained any brain damage from a whole night of breathing his own deadly fart fumes!!

Now a question to all my readers: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SEPERATED BY A FART?

I'm back!!!!!!!!!

Intro.....

Me: Hi my name is Natasha and I have not blogged for over a year (maybe more)

All of you together: Hi Natasha.

Well now that the welcome is sorted out let's get to the important part. WHY THE HELL I STOPPED BLOGGING?

Well to make a long story short - I didn't feel like it!

I stopped when I was 6 weeks pregnant (with my 2nd) and puking my guts out. I felt horrible and on the verge of a certain death. Somehow I survived, got busy and just did not feel like writing. But like a nasty recurring yeast infection I'm back..........hopefully for good this time!

I have been reading about 2 million blogs a day (not always commenting - sorry) and I just felt this immense urge to return to blogging. To write down the boring and not so boring stuff that happens in my daily life!

So I'm going to tell you 50 things that happened to me in the past 18 months - try and keep up cause it's a shit load!


1. I had an AWEFULL pregnancy - hated every minute and decided it WILL be my last!
2. Wanted a divorce at least every second day - hormones baby!
3. Had to cope with an almost 2 year old kid! She can be very glad she is damn cute and smart :-)
4. I took secret naps at work on the toilet - told you this 2nd pregnancy sucked!
5. Went into premature labor 4 times, eventually gave birth to a healthy daughter Mia at 36 Weeks via Emergency C-section
6. I only picked up 10kg's during pregnancy - Take that bitch!
7. Only breastfed for 6 weeks - breast dried up like prunes in the sun (note to self never reveal to readers that breast now actually resemble dried prunes)
8. I went on 4 months UNPAID maternity leave (my employer is great like that)
9. I picked up the 10kg's I lost after the birth in 4 weeks - WARNING Jungle Juice is packed with calories :-(
10. Spent R18 000 on my car for a new gearbox and clutch and it is STILL not working - fucking fabulous!
11. I couldn't wait to get back to work. I realized pretty quickly I'm no SAHM. For my children and my own safety, I must break from them every day for a couple of hours!
12. On my first day back at work, I stood in front of my cupboard for an hour – I got so fat I had absolutely NO work clothes that fit – A R G H !!
13. Being back at work……bliss!!!
14. We were too poor (or financially challenged) to go away for December (because of my farking car), but my parents came to our rescue and sponsored a week away at the coast (with them of course) and it was great!
15. I learned January that our company is in trouble and that retrenchments are taking place – Shit 
16. I actually considered working in Spur to supplement our income –I know it was a moment of pure idiocy. I would rather strip than go back to waitering. (Although I don’t think Mr Jackson hires old, saggy, 36LONGD dancers who can barely just touch their toes, let alone split).
17. Just the thought of a split caused me to drink a Voltaren.
18. My oldest started potty training and it went exceptionally well (agh what am I talking about I KNEW it would go well, cause she got my brains)
19. My second started crawling – hoo-farking-ray I don’t have to carry her around any more!!!
20. I realize one day how blessed I am to have such great HEALTHY kids!
21. A few moments after this realization they both get sick with a virus called Hemastomatitus. They stop eating and drinking and Mia needs to be hospitalized for dehydration.
22. I spend 2 nights sleeping/sitting in a hospital chair – they are upgrading the children’s ward and there is only one private room – already in use.
23. Oh I forgot to add my husband went for a Vasectomy in January – Yes sadly it’s the end of our multiplying and producing fabulous children!! *The words Happy days keep ringing in my ears*
24. But on the good side the start of our shagging like bunny rabbits without worries starts – Hell yeah!
25. I lied I only got 25 at this stage, but I will add if I remember anything else.


If you don't know me and want a real quick overview go here
For the rest of you, watch this space cause this mamma is here to stay!